"Betty Leopard": 2010

Wednesday, 29 December 2010

On a happier note

I didn't want to write twice in one day, but I wanted to take away the morbid after taste of my last two posts and I've also been meaning to post some things for a while and if I don't do it soon I may never get round to it!
As part of my festive preparations I undertook some baking. I very much enjoy baking, part of my love of creating and my massive sweet tooth :) Due to the fact that a few of my friends are vegan and Pete doesn't eat dairy, I usually bake vegan. It's not as hard as it sounds and certainly doesn't detract from the quality of the finished products. I have a number of vegan baking books, mostly cupcakes and cookies. My most recent acquisition was The Vegan Cookie Connisseur by Kelly Peloza, a vast collection of cookie recipes ranging from the traditional to the novel. My fovourites so far, and I'm far from having tried all the recipes, are the Carrot Cake Cookies.
Grated carrot and sugar.

Carrot and sugar with vegtable oil and molasses added. Vegetable oil is used as a butter replacement, some recipes also use vegan margarine (Pure or Vitalite are both dairy free).

 Adding flour and ground flaxseed brings the mixture together to a dough. Ground flazseed is often used in vegan baking as an egg replacer to bind a dough together.

The dough can then be shaped and placed on baking trays to be cooked :)

 When I first made these cookies I got around 13 out of the batch. As I wanted enough to cover a couple of festive occassions I doubled the recipe this time and ended up with about 32 cookies!

The carrot cake cookies are usually wonderfully chewy but are crisp on the outside. I must have not stored them properly this time as they went quite dry quite quickly, although they aren't stale and are still perfectly edible, they aren't as gooey and delicious as before. The recipe actually recommends making them into sandwich cookies with cream cheese frosting. So far I have not taken this advice for two reasons 1) because I really don't think they need the extra calories and 2) because vegan cream cheese isn't the easiest thing to come by in the UK (it is available online but that would require much forward planning in my baking).

I also made gingerbread men, but as this is already quite a lengthy post, I think I'll leave that for another time.


While I'm not very good with a totally structured routine, complete lack of any structure does throw me a little off course. Christmas time is probably the ultimate in unstructured living. While staying at my parents I was sleeping til 10 or 11, staying up til 1, napping in the middle of the afternoon, eating when I pleased and showering at all times of day. The inset of my malaise hasn't helped any, with long amounts of time spent doing little but laying down. Today has been a day of nothing, feeling low and unwell I have only been out of bed for a few hours and eaten mostly chocolate. Needless to say, I feel completely out of sorts. However, I do not want to use this as a forum for my bad moods.
New Year is rapidly approaching, and it has never been my favorite time of year, athough in recent years I have tried to make the best of it, planning ahead and hoping for positive changes. Bright futures. I have a number of resolutions I want to make, and I will write a post on those closer to the time. Most importantly I need to remain hopeful and positive, because without that then everything else is pointless. If I feel better about myself then I should be more confident and I'll be able to do anything and everything I want.
I need to live life more, not worry about it or make plans that I never see through. We only get these chances once ;)

Monday, 27 December 2010

Christmas Come-down

I've been suffering a bit today with post-festivity related malaise. Too much enjoyment and indulgence has given way to the reality of returning home and getting back to real life.
We're leaving Wales tomorrow, travelling home for brief stop before heading up to Pete's parents again for a few days. I'm not sure how much I actually want to go up to see them, not because of them, I'm just not feeling jolly enough to sit and be happy with people. Even put off the idea of New Year celebrations at the moment.
It's a shame feeling this way as I've had a very nice Christmas period. New Year has never been a favourite time of ine though. Hopefully I can snap myself out of this and get back to work without too much turmoil. Don't fancy wasting too much time feeling sorry for myself.
Here's hoping,

Thursday, 23 December 2010

Making space

I really need to make more time and space in my life for things like posting here. Although, my lack of posting isn't always due to lack of time or even lack of ideas. There are plenty of things I intend to write about but always put off for no good reason. I suppose my excuse of late is that I've been caught up in the xmas build up and am now away at my parents for a week for the festivities. Maybe part of my problem is that I'm not convinced I've actually got anything worth saying, or at least, nothing that anyone is interested in hearing.
Maybe it should be a New Years Resolution, could even make a post out of my resolutions. We'll see how this goes.

Monday, 6 December 2010

That Festive Feeling

It's finally hit me. With all the snow and the ever-present countdown on eBay, Christmas is coming. I'm sure my sister would be glad to hear me say that. Traditionally she's the sugar-plum fairy spreading Christmas-ness with gusto from the 1st of December and I'm a bit of a bah-humbug type, refusing to acknowledge the holiday season until the last possible moment. So me feeling festive by the 6th is quite impressive. The snow and cold have definitely contributed, and the fact that I've got into my crafting again quite heavily and have spent several days creating fancy felt things to hang on the tree. I was quite impressed with them in the end, it's amazing what you can do with some felt, sequins and PVA glue. They weren't particularly difficult to make, other than getting covered in glue, which I figure is a small price to pay. I thought about sewing them but glue was easier in the end, might look into using the sewing maching in future for a more professional finish. These are the results.....

Stencil shapes on felt. I used biro as it was easiest and most visible but might have to use something less bold next time as you could see some of the ink when the pieces were glued together :/
Hand applied sequin embellishment. I started small.

Once I got started, I made quite a lot and some of the designs got fancier

This is one of my favorites even though it's simple

How can that not make you feel festive? Come on! If you're still resisting then check them out on the tree....

Well I'm impressed. Could maybe do with some lights though. I made far too many for our tiny little tree, so I have some left over which may end up being given away, although that is assuming that other people will want my decorations. If not, I'm thinking of attaching them to some ribbon as a garland to hang above a doorway, then it's only me and Pete who have to look at them.
I've also been doing some baking, making cookies from a new book I purchased. But I'll save those for another time, there probably is such a thing as too much homely, festive cheer in one post.
Ta Ta,

Thursday, 2 December 2010

Snow Day

So I never got round to updating you after my big moan on Monday. Partly, I didn't want to re-read what I wrote. So much for the positive thinking I've been reading about. My second excuse would be the crippling headache/migrane that struck me late on Monday overnight into Tuesday.

I did nap after my last post. Then woke up and got on with my presentation. It wasn't that hard to do in the end. Got it finished but was too cold to go out to buy craft stuff. Annoyingly, as a result of the headache I never got to present the products of my labours. Spent Tuesday in bed, in the dark with a blanket wrapped round my head, sound hurt, light hurt and food made me feel ill. Not one of my better days. Felt better on Wednesday, got some work done and went to Hobbycraft to stock up on glue, felt, glitter and sequins.

Then Wednesday evening, the snow came. It was actually pretty exciting. Didn't notice until I went to lock the door at about 11, but we still went out into it. Everything was so still and perfect. The puppy loved it, he's never been in snow before. He ran round and round and round. I could have stood and looked at the snow for hours, but I didn't, it got too cold.

Today we got up and the snow was 5 inches deep. Apart from one car having left the car park, the snow was completely untouched, it was smooth and flat and white and perfect. That is, until the pup got out there. If he was hyped up when we went out in the night, he was insane during the day. He ran so much, in circles and up and down the car tracks. He even tried eating some snow but that made him cough. We threw snow balls for him that he, obviously, never found. Pete and I went walking, with the pup in his jacket, to find space where other people hadn't been. Making snow angels and running with the dog. It was so much fun. It was cold but I was wrapped up warm so much that I didn't notice the temperature, or maybe I just didn't care because I was having so much fun. I got to wear my hat!! It kept my ears warm and looked amazing. Score :) Took some pseudo-arty pics of snow covered trees. Not that I wish it snowed everyday, but I wish the world was more like it is on a snow day. Everything is quieter, calmer, less hurried. There are fewer cars. More people are outside enjoying themselves, and they are happier and friendlier. The pup in his jacket definitely made a lot of people smile.

Had to come home eventually and spent the rest of today making more xmas decorations. I was going to write about that but I got a bit carried away with the snow talk. I will save the decorations and craft talk for tomorrow.
Hope you are watm wherever you are.

Monday, 29 November 2010


Not a very optimistic title is it. Be afraid, be very afraid.
Was so very hopeful for a good week. Had a nice relaxed weekend, got into making some Christmas decorations and gotto see my bestest friend and help her sell her soaps at a craft fair. Was in rather a creative and positive mood. Had planned to get up today, go to the craft shop (on the credit card, oops) and get on with some more making. Unfortunatley, within minutes of waking up I remembered I am signed up to give a presentation tomorrow on my actual work. Lame.
So now I'm sat at the computer trying to put together a half way intellectual presentation on the very slow pace of my work lately, while semi-freezing, on the verge of falling asleep and with a very painful right knee. The semi-freezing goes without explaination really, it's cold, damn cold. Not snowing here though, which I'm quite thankful for. The forecast has threatened snow a few times in recent days but checking this morning, all prospect seems to have disappeared, for now. Almost falling asleep is a pretty natural state for me to be found in. Got up much earlier than I have in ages yesterday to get to the craft fair to help out, felt good really, but was so knackered when I got home. After a few hours of starring into space I went to bed at 10. Didn't wake up til almost 10 this morning. So it's quite likely that my current tiredness is a result of oversleeping, although that argument never sits too well with me, I prefer to blame the cold and low light levels of this time of year. Maybe I need one of those light box things, or just a nap would suit me fine. Knee pain is a result of falling over the dog yesterday morning as he ran under my feet in an attempt to beat me into the lounge. It only hurts when it's bent so I could just keep my leg straight, but that's not massively conducive to keeping my feet warm, my sitting position of choice always involves legs curled up under or next to me.
Just realised how much moaning is involved in this post and not sure how long it'll actually stay published. I may read it again later and scrap the whole lot. It's all hideously ironic given I fell asleep reading a book called 'Being Happy' on the power of positive thinking and visualisation. Right now all I can visualise is curling up and sleeping. Not massively productive in the short term, but may bring long term benefits. Think I'm going to have a nap, try to nail this presentation, then reward myself with a trip to Hobbycraft. Will update later, if I'm awake.

Friday, 19 November 2010

You're so vain

That's as maybe, but one thing for sure is that this blog is about me.
I've been in a hair related dilemma recently. Well, within reason anyway, it's not exactly been keeping me up at night. Since starting to go blonde back in March, while I have progressed gradually towards the near platinum white blonde I have so long lusted after, my hair has also suffered dramatic decline in condition. Not surprising or at all unexpected, the quantity and strength of bleach I have to use is quite disgusting really. My ends have taken one hell of a bettering and I eventually had to brave a visit to the hairdresser to have the damaged parts removed. My hairdresser was less than impressed with the quality of hair she was presented with and as a result I have lost the vast majority of the length I had, possibly a little more than I am actually comfortable with. While I am no stranger to short hair, even as short as it is now, I feel I have lost a little of the glamour I was begining to embrace. Worst of all, some parts are still horribly dry, brittle and unsightly :(
I was despairing. Contemplating a return to my darker days in an attempt to restore some gloss to my locks, and I do so love being blonde again (for now). But thank the stars, I have been saved!

Tigi Bed Head Dumb Blonde Reconstructor. A bit pricey for a conditioner, although a serious case of you get what you pay for (and slightly cheaper if you cleverly scour eBay instead of going into a salon). Only used it once so far, but it's made such a difference already. I would thoroughly recommend it to anyone and everyone, particularly those of you with chemically treated hair. Despite the name it's not exclusively for blondes. I was a little concerned at the colour, it being yellow and bleached hair having a horrible propensity for a) being easily stained an b) going brassy and yellow of its own accord. Suffice to say I have suffered no ill colouring effects, if anything I had a suspicion hair was less yellow after using it. Not all expensive cosmetic products are worth their inflated price tags, but my experience of Tigi products quality reassured me, and this is most definitely worth the £10-ish it cost me.  My blonde days shall hopefully long continue :)
Celebrations shall be had!


Thursday, 18 November 2010

Leaves on the line

Well, I need some sort of excuse for the delay between this post and the last. At least it's seasonal.
I'm currently suffering from the expense of Christmas shopping. That's not the expense of buying gifts for my nearest and dearest, but rather the costs associated with finding so much stuff I want for myself.
This year is particularly difficult as I've been so very stuck for ideas of things to get people, which makes it all the easier to drift into finding things for myself. As a result of todays perusing, top of my wish list are these:

Animal Print Fur Trapper Hat with Ears and PomPoms, from River Island.

Funtasma Knee High Lace Up Boots, from a variety of locations.

At under £20, the hat is a more realistic buy than the boots at around £40. I am in complete awe of the boots though, which also come in a shorter mid calf version, which I also *want*, but probably in black patent. I could buy the boots preemptively, in the hope that Santa brings me cash, which is really quite likely. Only point for consideration is, I'm not 100% sure I'll be able to walk very far in those stilleto heels :s

Also, in considering my personal spending, impending work Xmas do is likely to require a new dress, and I do love dress shopping :)

Ciao for now

Friday, 22 October 2010


As promised, a picture of my new tattoo.
I had the bats done about 2 and a half years ago and always wanted to add to it and get more tattoos, but never really had the money or a clear enough idea of what I wanted. I finally got myself together to take the plunge and had the rose added 2 weeks ago. It took about 3 hours and was rather more painful than I expected, much worse than the bats were! The leopard print was supposed to be done in the same sitting, but a technical hitch meant I needed to book a second appointment. I was a little disappointed not to get it finished but not too much as the pain had really got a bit much. So the second sitting was on Wednesdat when I had the leopard print added. It was supposed to be the end of the process for now, but looks like it's going to continue. The artist took a picture and is going to work on some ideas for me, and I'm going to do the same. Not actually booked another appointment yet, but would like to get more done before the end of the year. Spreading the cost between multiple sittings has made it seem much less expensive than I expected too :p
Had it done at Dragstrip Tattoo, if you fancy checking them out. Pete Belson did mine, but their new Guy Shakey Pete seems awesome too and they get some really good guest artists in as well.

Tuesday, 19 October 2010

Learning to Blog...

When I started this blog, I didn't really have a vision or a mission or anything in particular that I wanted to say or share. To be honest I still don't. It's not a diary as such and I don't want to use it as a forum for me airing my own grievances and spreading the misery that sometimes takes over my mind. I want to share myself with the world, things I enjoy, beautiful and fantastic things I think other people should see, things I know that I think other people should know. I want the world to know me, not in a self centred way, I don't want to be the centre of the world, I just want the chance to show what it is that makes me.
I've had a bit of a mixed up day, but it's ending well, which is the most important thing. I have cried today, ad it made me feel better, it let out something that was pent up in me, and it was a relief. But I don't want to share the grief, I want to share the good times.
I watched World's Strictest Parents on BBC iPlayer. It was wonderful. While I initially dispair at how some teenagers behave, the programme never fails to uplift me. If you get chance, check out the first episode of the new season, in New Jersey. The parents in that episode are the most amazing, good, wonderful people, and they make such a genuine difference to those kids lives. It almost made me want to cry, but in a good way. Watch it, it will touch you.
I'm getting tattooed tomorrow. Well, it's the second sitting, so I'm not as excited as I was for the first sitting, but inside I am excited, to see the finished work, not for the actual process. It'll hurt, it will, but it'll be worth it. I'll show you the finished thing tomorrow, or the day after :p

Wednesday, 29 September 2010

Maintaining my balance

Having been more or less fine for a good while now, I had forgotten that often my emotional state is actually very delicately balanced, precariously on a knife edge. I can cope with only so much without having it affect my mood and daily routine. While managing to keep myself going in such conditions, it can often take just the most minor knock to send me tumbling down.
I rediscovered this aspect of myself yesterday while dealing with the finance department at work. Now, they've never given me an easy time with my expenses claims, which is a joke when you compare the scale of my expenditures to the majority of other people working in the department. There was just something about this occassion that was just that bit too much for me. Maybe it was the fact that I was having to explain the same issues as I have numerous times before, maybe it was the suggestion that the admin womans time was more scarce and of greater value than my own, or the fact that on some level someone must suspect I am trying to make a fraudulent claim, or simply just the way she spoke to me. Whatever it was, it well and truly got my back up, I was infuriated, absolutely raging. I'm only glad there weren't other people around me at the time as they would likely have suffered the sharp side of my tongue. Unfortunately such a highly charged emotional state was rapidly followed by tears, then anger with myself, the exhaustion. All this before 10.3 0 in the morning. I ended up falling asleep for a few hours, leaving the mascara riverlets staining my cheeks.
The issue is still not resolved, although I am somewhat calmer about it now. I am disappointed that such a small issue knocked me quite so badly. It's often hard to explain to people, why I am crying over an expenses claim and a snotty, self-important secretary. The fact is, in that situation, it wasn't the expenses that were making me cry, but a culmination of everything I have been managing for days or weeks previously. The straw that broke the donkeys back, so to speak. A small knock and my carefully constructed a managed tower of tasks, deadlines and other issues comes falling down around my ears, leaving me a blubbering mess in the middle.
Such is life I suppose. Maybe it's not even the depression, maybe this is just how people are. I'd still maintain that it happens to me a darn sight more often than most people, but that is really nothing more than speculation.
Instead of berating myself over my mini meltdown and loss of control, I should really be focussing on the fact that I've actually maintained my stable state for quite a while now, with only minor slips along the way. I certainly feel I am in a better position, feeling better, coping better than I have in a significant period of time. And without professional support (I chucked the latest therapist, maybe I'll write about that but there's not much to say). I suppose the fact that the negative still presents itself more readily that the positive shows I'm not totally there yet.
Ah well. I have to say, there's nothing like a good cry sometimes. A cry and a nap, does wonders for the soul (although not so much for the complexion :s)
Night night my dears,

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

Monday, 13 September 2010

My life is a rollercoaster, and I'm not the biggest fan of rollercoasters :/

Well, it's been a little while since my last post. The title probably overstates recent events a little. On the whole, things have been very good. Especially going away for 10 days with Peter. Tiredness occasionally led to frayed tempers, but on the whole a thoroughly enjoyable time was had by all. I even came back in the mood for pressing on with work.
A slight dip came on returning to find that, contrary to my expectations, a week of activity and walking had not produced the desired reduction in my weight. That ongoing battle I have with myself. I therefore decided that the most sensible thing to do would be to finally accept that my days in skinny jeans were numbered, and invest in a more suitable, baggier pair. Which I did. Swiftly followed by another, more significant dip when the new size 12 baggy jeans arrived and I tried them on to find they could barely contain my thighs let alone my bun :( That was a dark moment. The jeans were straight back in the bag and I am waiting for them to be collected and returned as I write. So once again I return to food obsession and self loathing. I have been recording what I eat for 4 days now, which always helps me reduce how much I eat. The first day or so was difficult, refamiliarising my body with hunger and how to deal with it. Pepsi is once again my best friend, filling me up when I'm tempted by carbs. I know this sounds awfully like eating disorder teritory, but I've done this before and I've always been slightly predisposed to that way of thinking anyway. The best part is, it's paying off already. I must add, I have done exercise and nightly sit-ups alongside my calorie restriction. From 11 stone 2 or 3 pounds when I returned from holiday last weekend, I have weighed in at 10 stone 13 two mornings in a row now. It's only slightly below 11 stone, but that one pound makes all the difference to how I feel about myself at the moment. I hope I can keep this up. I'm aiming for 10 stone 8 by the end of the month, that's only 5 pounds in just over 2 weeks. Surely I can manage that! Fingers crossed.
Oddly, while I am less unhappy with the way I look today, and managing to make some reasonable progress on the work from, I have felt on the verge of tears for a large part of the morning, and I really don't know why. It may just be tiredness, not that that's a fantastic excuse. Not sure if it's better to get it out and hope I can get on with the day afterwards, or to hold it back and hope it isn't too much of a distraction. We shall see, these things usually find a way out eventually.

Saturday, 21 August 2010

On my own again....

For a second weekend in a row I am alone in the flat again (excluding the sleeping dog). I can't complain too much as it is partially by choice, in so much as I chose not to go on a badly organised campling trip in the rain where I would have to cram myself into a six man tent with around 9 other people and keep my fingers crossed that the camp site owners didn't notice. I did make some efforts to recruit a companion for this evening but unfortunately my friends are all otherwise engaged. Not entirely disappointing as it gives me time to do some things I've been putting off for a while.
I spent the majority of yesterday evening scouring eBay for interesting fabrics and other craft related things. I am fully intending to start creating my own accessories very soon. Hair clips, brooches, bags, cushion covers. Currently I am just accumulating inspirations and materials. There are some amazing fabrics available on eBay, cupcakes, lollies, ice cream, love hearts, strawberries, cherries, tea pots, and an almost infinite array of stars, stripes and spots. All very in-keeping with the 1950's, burlesque, tattoo inspired designs I hope to be able to create.
Today, instead of working (naughty naughty) I have been drawing and designing, so far mostly bags, based on inspiration from my friends and their personalities. So far I have created designs based on Jen, Jenny, Katie, Helen and Kirstin, and I'm pretty pleased with them. Hope they would be too :)
I've also been in search of inspiration from some of my favourite places and people; Clutterfly Jewellery, Vivien of Holloway, Anna Fur Laxis amongst others. (NB: Inspiration, in no way ripping off these wonderfully talented ladies). Almost ended up spending a fortune on shorts from VoH, but have restrained myself so far. I have just spent £35 on clutterfly this weekend :D
Think I might do a wish lists post soon, putting together some of my most desired objects in one place.
On a separate note, I've become slightly obsessed by skin care of late, prompted by a bout of bad skin recently. I've always been quite rigourous with my skin care regime, but have now added more regular exfoliation and face masks! I love face masks at the moment. Had one in a packet that I used first and it made my skin feel brilliant. After a fair amount of searching on the Boots website, I ended up buying Soap & Glory No Clogs Allowed Deep Pore Detox Mask. I love Soap & Glory products anyway, not least because of their cool vintage style, but this product is really good and I would fully recommend it. It gets really quite warm at first, which is very odd at first, and smells wonderfully refreshing (menthol I think). It recommends use once or twice a week, which is probably about right. It leaves my skin feeling gorgeous, which is pretty much what I was looking for! And there's something about face masks that feels wonderfully indulgent, and the glamourous, girly part of me loves being indulged :)
You can look like a bit of an alien while using it though. (Or a french mime if you use it while wearing a striped top and a black hat, oops).


Sunday, 15 August 2010

Hey, I'm posting, is that not enough......

Well, this is pretty surprising, another post in less than a month! I might finally be catching on to this whole blogging lark. Still haven't managed to get my post on my plans for my next year done yet.
I suppose this might cover one of them. I've spent the past few days filtering through eBay looking for craft materials. I have plans of making jewellery and accessories. I got a sewing machine for my birthday, her name is Dolly, and I asked for it because I intended to make things, so I figure I should probably start making things. I'm not exactly highly skilled in the sewing department, so I think I'll start off with bags and cushion covers. I've been working on designs, now I need to commit and buy fabric. The thing is, my plans start getting complex, and my list grows to include eyelets, ribbons, chains, fabric paints etc. Then I start my jewellery plans, that require no use of my new sewing machine at all, but do require chains and pins and clasps and pliers. This is starting to look expensive. Hence eBay, an attempt to keep costs down.
Usually, my plans tend to fade at this point. I'll spend ages looking at eBay, adding stuff to my watch list, then losing enthusiasm and letting all the items end without buying anything, accumulating in my ended items list. I'm doing better this time though, I've actually bought some moulds and fimo to start making stuff. If I make it on to the next stage and actually make stuff, I'll let you know. Maybe, if I get far enough, I might be able to try and flog some of it to you ;)

Thursday, 5 August 2010

Dear Motivation, where are you?

I was intending my next post to be my thoughts on things I would like to achieve in the next year. Somehow my birthday seems like a better point to set goals and resolutions than New Year. I'm not a big fan of New Year.
Anyway, it would seem that my motivation and enthusiasm didn't wake up with me this morning and I can't even think far enough ahead to know what we need from the supermarket let alone consider the next year of my life.
Having said my motivation didn't wake up with me, it must have done, as I did exercise for the first time in about a month. Only a 20 minute workout with EA Sports Active on the Wii (burning 121 calories apparently), but that's 20 minutes more than I could have done. So, I suppose I used up a fair amount of enthusiasm and the rest may have been washed away in the shower. Usefully.
I've spent the past couple of hours sat at the computer, talking to the few people who are online and willing to converse with me, trying to write a shopping list and attempting to stimulate myself with a mix of lemonade, green tea and cake (not literally a mix, each one is taken separately). The cake has made the most difference so far, although has left me feeling guilty and as though the exercise I did has probably been wasted.
I weighed in at 11 stone 1 pound this morning, not too bad really. In the past few months I've gone as high as 11 stone 5 and as low as 10 stone 13. Despite my lack of exercise, changes to my diet have kept me steady at about 11st1 for about a month. Now my challenge is to work on the exercise to be at a stable level below 11 stone, that's my goal, for now.
I'm so deeply uninspired by food right now. Not a good time to need to go grocery shopping.

Tuesday, 3 August 2010

It begins...

So, my plans for doing something silly/crazy to mark the end of being 24 ended up the miserable failure they were always doomed to be. I spent the week writing shopping lists and working. Both of which were largely necessary, but certainly not interesting. I did dye my hair, although for me that's not even anything unusual these days, and I only bleached my roots. Having said that, I used a more hardcore product this time to great effect and have now pretty much achieved the white blonde I set out for several months back when I decided I'd been dark for far too long. Looking back, I can't believe I thought the very orange ginger colour I first achieved was blonde. I also purchased a purple dye alongside the new bleach, however I'm still too in awe of the blonde to want to taint it yet. Despite the fact that half the reason I wanted to go blonde again was because it would be easier to add colour too than the black I had previously.
Anyway, the big day came and went. I didn't sleep well the night prior to my birthday. Surprisingly I woke up feeling no different for hitting the big 25. I had to go to the office in the morning, which wasn't so bad. In the afternoon I napped before my boyfriend came home and I was thoroughly indulged with more presents than I can remember, more food than I could eat in a whole weekend (literally) and cava and TV. It might not sound like much but it's what I wanted and it was good :) The quietness of the evening was offset the next day when the better of my friends were kind enough to join me for an evening of sugar and alcohol.
So far, 25 hasn't been so bad. Seeing so many good friends and various presents intended to invoke younger days (including many sweets and a bubble gun!) left me feeling positively youthful. I have learnt that being 25 does not stop you having fun, wearing whatever you want (including ridiculously oversized hair flowers and epic high heels), eating whatever you want (in reasonable moderation), having silly and inappropriate conversations with friends or messing around with temporary tattoos.
I still want a piercing though, and the next tattoo is definitely on the cards since I have received contributions towards it :)
Well, that seems like more than enough for now. I'm just waiting on a new diary to arrive so I know what the hell I'm supposed to be doing with myself. In the mean time, I may well send emails.

Sunday, 25 July 2010

The End is Nigh....

Ok, the title may be a little over-dramatic. Last night I realised I am rapidly heading into the last few days of being 24, a young person, before I turn 25 and am just another person. I find myself drawn to music that reminds me of being younger, pop-punk, New Found Glory, Blink-182 and The Ataris. "Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up". Sounds wonderful and makes me long for a carefree youth I don't think I had. Funny how music and movies can make you miss things that probably don't exist but you feel have passed you by.
I feel a need to make a statement to myself and the world in the next few days, before I wake up on my birthday to potentially feel like I've aged 10 years despite only being a day older than I was when I fell asleep. I want to regain the crazy mis-spent days, the suggestion of anarchy, they feeling that I can do anything and what other people think doesn't matter. I let what other people think affect what I do too much, and the rest of the time I'm too low to want to do anything interesting.
I want to dye my hair, pierce my ears, get tattooed, wear too much make up, go the supermarket in an evening dress, walk the dog in stilettoes. Be different to everyone else, stand out and not care. Enjoy life, like I have stopped myself from doing for such a long time. I don't want to get old, I don't want to feel old. Being 25 might just be a new start :)
I'll keep you updated (unfortunately this kind of planning does remove the element of spontaneity....)

Sunday, 27 June 2010


I've always had a turbulent, love-hate relationship with food. For the vast majority of my life I have verged on actually disliking food. Until recent years, the list of foods I would eat was significantly shorter than those I wouldn't.
However, growing up has had a maturing effect on both my palette and my attitude to food. There's still stuff I don't like and stuff that I only eat because I know I should, but I'm willing to try new things and keen to ensure I'm eating the right things.
During my teens I was probably a borderline eating disorder sufferer. If I had breakfast it was usually biscuits. Lunch was an inconvenience. At school, I disliked sandwiches and school dinners were exepnsive and awful. My friends and I seemed to spend several years subsisting on flavoured rice cakes. I could often make it through the day on a pack of spearmint polos. Sixth form college was little better, where the canteen served a range of options from beef burger to chicken burger to onion rings. If I ate dinner it was more likely to be something processed and frozen than anything of any nutritional benefit.
When I look back I wonder how I actually survived. I suppose the low overall calorie intake compensated for the proportion of junk, and I remained a size 8 to 10 through my teens and into my twenties.
A few years back a particularly bad patch of depression combined with something akin to Irritable Bowel Syndrome left me feeling almost completely unable to eat for a period of a few months. I lost a stone. I didn't realise it at the time, but I can see how thin I was when I look back at pictures from the time. My friends and family eventually got me onto build-up milkshakes, just as a source of calories and I slowly managed to re-acquaint myself with food.
However, since then a number of factors have conspired to lead to me slowly gaining weight. I now weight 11 stone, I'm not massive, not by a fair way, but I weight more than I ever have before, and I don't like it.
Despite my diet being healthier than ever before, I eat more in general, I'm older and we all know that effects how you're body processes calories and I have an underlying thyrpoid condition that means my metabolism doesn't function properly. I've also never, ever been into sport or exercise.
So now I find myself trying to change the exercise habits of a lifetime and desperately find new foods I can eat that won't go straight to my hips. A friend of mine with an interest in becoming a personal trainer has suggested I take up jogging first thing in the morning. I've never been a runner or a morning person. If it wasn't for the fact that I respect his opinion so much then I wouldn't even consider it. Let's see how I get on, I wouldn't put money on it.
The only thing I like less than the actual weight is how obsessed I'm becoming with food. I've spent most of today looking up 'metabolism boosting' foods and writing shopping lists, planning meals. Knowing my past form and mental stability, this could completely backfire. The temptation to restrict my food intake is rather strong. I hope I can do this.