"Betty Leopard": Where is my mind?

Saturday, 26 February 2011

Where is my mind?

Had a crazy few days, internally that is, nothing particularly interesting has happened.
Went through such a range of emotions yesterday. Started off feeling quite low, then just felt wreckless, wanted to get drunk and do something crazy, take all my clothes off and run around kind of thing. Then as the evening went on, and I did have a couple of drinks, my mood descended somewhat and I ended up going to bed wanting to cry. Still wasn't feeling too great this morning, and got even grumpier when I found out the dog had broken my sewing machine, and it wasn't easy to fix. Picked up a bit this afternoon, got on with crafty things rather than working today, really needed the break (especially as I'll be in the office tomorrow). This evening hasn't been as good, feeling very lonely and cut-off, just feel so isolated and abandoned. Spending too much time on my own is never good for me.
The boy is away, surprise surprise. He's been gone since Wednesday morning and won't be back til sometime on Monday. It's not his fault I'm feeling like this, I'm not even sure if I'd feel significantly different if he were here, obviously less lonely, but not necessarily better. Times like this really make me question myself and my friends. I do love my friends, but so much time on my own makes me feel so lame and boring, it makes me wonder why they'd ever bother with me. I also wish I knew more people, so there's never be an excuse for me to be completely alone. I want to be more fun, have more fun, and for some reason I only see that happening from being around 'fun' people, which is probably complete bullshit.
Basically, I have no-one else to talk to right now, so I'm talking to you, whoever you are.
I don't want to be like this, I want to be ok with being on my own, but I also want to do more things with people. Long story short, I'm a moron who needs to stop moaning and start doing.
Sorry for this. Hope you're better than me :)
Betty
x

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